autumnleaf16

Crazy as it is I decided to write this story, even when I am sure there is nothing going on between these two. But I have been reading some really interesting BL stories. To my friends from school/university: Yes, I actually do read these kind of stuff and now, to a certain extent, I have finally written one.

Summary: Watanabe Osamu forces himself to make an important decision in regard to Shiraishi, and he realizes that his actions in the past three years have actually been much affected by what he feels in regard to Shiraishi. This is a one sided Watanabe/Shiraishi.

Author’s Note: I normally write OC stories and I’ve actually write Shiraishi/OC stories (Sacrifice- which I am still putting on my blog) but somehow I decided to write this story, and the truth is I am not even sure what this should categorize this under. I think I wrote this story because I’ve been reading some interesting fan fictions on one of the communities in Life journal, so I suddenly had this idea.

This is also based on a conversation with my friend- that Watanabe is actually a pretty responsible coach and if Shiraishi is doing what Tezuka do, then Watanabe will actually go up and drag him off the court. I just feel that he would actually do this- which is what I think Ryusaki should have done more then once. This also kind of shows my believe that many captains in the story, will actually do what Tezuka does if they happens to be in such a situation as well.

I am letting Shiraishi and some others calling Watanabe sensei as I am not really sure whether they’ll be calling him Osamu-chan, I mean we’ve only really heard Kintarou call him that and Kintarou is not a good example.
This is a fan fiction so there are obviously changes from the story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Conflicting wishes

Shiraishi Kuranosuke finally collapsed, yet he still managed to keep a tight grip on his tennis racquet. Gritting his teeth, he prepared to stagger up.
The pain was simply too great, as he immediately fell down again, his free hand clutching to his knee.
“I am still alright.” He stated, although even he was not certain who he was saying this to. “I will finish the game.”
Was it to his opponent that intentionally caused him to be at this situation? Or the team mates who were all yelling for him to stop? Or perhaps his words were directed to his coach, who actually appeared very worried.
“The game will be suspended for three minutes in order for Shitenhouji’s coach to go onto court.” The umpire announced.
“No, I don’t need the game to be suspended!” Shiraishi protested.
“The game will be suspended.” The familiar voice of his coach stated, but his tone was rather alien. In all the three years he worked with his coach, Shiraishi has never heard Watanabe’s voice being anything other then merry and loud.
Right now it was unusually soft and gentle.
“Sensei, I am alright!” Shiraishi began. “I can still…”
Watanabe placed his hand around the boy’s wrist very lightly, but this was enough to make him drop his racquet.
“You are in a much worse position then what I originally believed.” Watanabe pointed out gently. “Shiraishi Kuranosuke, you can barely hold your racquet, let along stand. How can you continue to play?”
“I can still play…” Shiraishi protested once more, but the spasm of pain forced him to leave his sentence unfinished.
“Enough…Kuranosuke.” His coach repeated, unconsciously addressing him by his first name.
“I am the buchou so I cannot just leave my game unfinished! Especially when this game is the deciding one.”
“Shiraishi, don’t play anymore!” Kintarou yelled out, running onto the court, completely ignoring the umpire.
“Sensei is right,” Kenya said, deciding to follow Kintarou. “Even Kin-chan is telling you to stop!”
But Shiraishi shook his head stubbornly. “I can go on. I dreamt of Shitenhouji winning the nationals so I cannot…”
“Then we don’t want to win the nationals anymore!” Kenya snapped. “All we want now is for you to stop. If you go on…you will…you will…”
“You will risk having parts of your body permanently damaged. “Watanabe finished softly. “I should have asked for suspension earlier, but I had no idea that you are injured this bad.
“In fact, this is so like you.” A bitter smile formed on the face that always seemed to be smiling, if not laughing. “You bury everything down so no ever knows how bad you are suffering.
“You play perfect tennis even though you almost hate it, but you never tell this to anyone. You look after the team and club by your self so well and never asked me to help you, even though you wanted it.
“You just have to bear everything yourself, don’t you? Like right now. You kept on saying that you were alright even when you were on the verge of collapsing.”
“No, I can still stand!”
If his coach had not been fast enough then Shiraishi would have been knocked unconscious as he immediately fell forward when he tried to stand up once again. But luckily, his coach managed to catch him, resulting in the boy almost being in his arms, although the circumstance forbids this situation to appear as strange in anyway.
“We forfeit the game.” Watanabe called out, ignoring the protests from Shiraishi.
“It’s alright…buchou.” Kintarou began timidly, stretching up to pat him on the head, what Shiraishi was fond to do to him. Even though Shiraishi’s face was no longer visible, they could tell that he was crying due to the shuddering of his body when the umpire decided to agree with Watanabe instead of him.
“Yeah…buchou was amazing!” Zaizen said sincerely as the rest of Shitenhouji’s tennis team walked onto court.
“We probably wouldn’t even be here if you are not our buchou. You are the one who really helped us to reach here.” Koharu said, while his partner added: “Don’t ever think that you did anything wrong at all.”
“The ambulance will be coming soon.” Kenya informed the rest as he hung up his phone. “They say two of us can accompany him.”
“You boys arrange that.” Watanabe said as he gently handed Shiraishi over to Gin. “Shiraishi, it will be better if Gin carries…”
“He’s unconscious, Sensei.” Gin whispered.
“Wouldn’t it be better if you sit on the ambulance too?” Chitose asked.
“I have something I have to do first.” Watanabe said, and the way his voice suddenly hardened made all the members of Shitenhouji’s tennis team, even Kintarou, shudders slightly.

The members of Rikkai’s tennis club were going to start cheering at their triumph over the same school in the semi-finals when their captain suddenly raised his hand.
“Everyone, remain quiet.” He ordered. “If you have to celebrate then do it when you get back to our lodging.”
“That was certainly very impressive…Shitenhouji.” Yanagi commented. “Especially their captain. They might actually be the winner if he had continued.”
“How can he beat me when he was going to faint?” Kirihara scoffed out.
“He only lost all conscious because he stopped struggling after the game was forfeited.” Sanada stated.
“Maybe we should go and…” the gentleman of Rikkai began.
“Yagyuu, right now our names are all ‘You bastards, stay away’ to Shitenhouji.” Niou said to his doubles partner rather dryly.
Nonetheless they still prepared to stand up and walk to the net- what was expected at the end of the game. But they were halted at half way due to Watanabe, who walked toward them.
“Well, what a pity that Kansai’s champion lost to Kantou’s champion once again.” Watanabe began cuttingly with a very unnatural smile on his face. His words certainly achieved the desired effect, as people were muttering about the result of the Kantou regional again, a sore spot for every member of the Rikkai team. “But since you guys are the winner, don’t you think you should show some curtsey to the ones who lost? Especially you, Kirihara-kun.”
“You want me to apologise?” the young boy sneered with brash confidence due to his most recent victory. “Ha, as if I’ll…”
Unlike the rest, the members of Rikkai’s tennis team were close enough to see the slight sneer that suddenly appeared on Watanabe’s face, just before he raised his hand.
The slap was delivered with such force that it actually resulted in Kirihara being knocked onto the floor.
“Sensei, I know that you are really worried, but please control yourself.” The umpire pleaded.” I would hate to disqualify your school after all this.”
“I apologise then.” He did not sound sincere at all, but he knew that this would be good enough for the umpire.
“Just don’t do it again. The first offence will only result in a warning.” The umpire finally breathed out, before he announced the overall result of 3-2.
What shocked Rikkai was the strength in the slap, since it could definitely rival with Sanada’s punishment for anyone that lost. But the members of Shitenhouji were stunned due to the mere action.
“Sensei…Sensei just slapped someone.” Kenya finally said.
“Yeah…he did.” The infamous joking pair repeated.
Every one of them was completely dumbfounded due to this very uncharacteristic action, as they had never even see their coach scolding someone properly.

As to be expected, Shiraishi’s room was immediately crowded with visitors when the hospital declared that they were allowed. His team mates and following members of the tennis club were naturally amongst the very first crowd, and there were also captains and regulars from other schools.
But his coach did not turn up on the first day. This didn’t really surprise most people as they believed that Watanabe was feeling guilty for not realising the full extent of Shiraishi’s injuries earlier.
This was perfectly understandable, although no one was blaming him, since they all made the same mistake.
Kenya didn’t think that anything was wrong until he went to search for him after the nurse shooed all the visitors away. Watanabe was sitting on one of the shabby benches in the most deserted part of the hospital with an unusually large ring of cigarette butts around him.
“You are going to get lung cancer really easily, you know.” Kenya commented bluntly, sitting down beside his coach, carefully covering his nose with the sleeves of his jacket.
“How is Kuranosuke?” was the reply.
“He’s fine now, although the doctors say that he have to remain in the hospital for a few more days.” Kenya automatically quoted out what he had been told, before he suddenly frowned. “Sensei…when did you start calling him by his first name?”
“Oh, I sometimes do.’ Watanabe said in a seemingly careless manner. “So he is perfectly alright? How is he in the emotional sense?”
“I think he has recovered in that aspect too. But as you said, it is really hard to tell with Shiraishi.”
“That boy can be so foolish.” Watanabe said as he clenched the almost finished cigarette into his fist, almost oblivious to the brief pain.
“He can be stubborn.” Kenya agreed before he moved on to the main point. “But why didn’t you go and see him today?”
Instead of answering, Watanabe lit another cigarette, despite the protest that came in the form of coughing.
“I didn’t let him do what he wanted.” He said after a very long pause. “I know that I should stop him but at the same time I was well aware that Shiraishi was determined to finish the game. That was why I didn’t ask for suspension earlier. I was deciding whether I should allow him to do what he wished, or stop him as I didn’t want him to continue.”
It was the way his voice suddenly changed that made Kenya examine the whole thing with a new perspective-somehow his coach did not seem to b speaking as a teacher anymore.
“I should have stopped him earlier, but I didn’t. That is my fault because I was afraid, afraid that he would hate me for not letting him do what he desired, for choosing my wish over his.” Watanabe repeated again. “This is why I didn’t go and see him. I am not ready yet.”
“Sensei…you would have dragged anyone in that situation off quite sometime ago, but because he was Shiraishi you didn’t.” Kenya finally realised. “That is your real dilemma, isn’t it? Because you care for him so much, you are afraid of being too protective, and so you hardly interfere whenever Shiraishi is concerned.”
“Do you want to send me to jail, Kenya?” his coach asked bitterly, his hand slightly shaking.
“Of course not! But that is the truth, isn’t it?”
Watanabe didn’t even know when the whole thing began- was it at his first meeting with the rather grim and shy boy? Or was it when his tennis skills impressed everyone so much that he was allowed to be a regular, even though he was only in his first year?
Or was it much later on? When he first saw the youngest regular practising all alone in the deserted court, pushing himself to exhaustion due to wanting to be on an equal level with the others.
Watanabe had wanted to hug the boy and tell him that he didn’t need to go this far. But he didn’t, knowing that this gesture would probably scare Shiraishi greatly. When the previous buchou of Shitenhouji asked him why he was staring at Shiraishi throughout the next practices, he was well aware of the possible dangers.
That was why he didn’t voice any protest when the team decided to let the first year be buchou from next year, even though he, unlike these boys, could foresee that it might be a bad thing for Shiraishi. Likewise he didn’t really comfort Shiraishi after last year’s national out of the fear that he would overstep him role of the coach.
So he let Shiraishi do almost everything himself, as well as continuing to play his perfect tennis, even after he discovered what Shiraishi really felt about it.
He was fully aware that people often perceived him as being irresponsible, but he could live with that. Beside, he usually stepped in during dire circumstances.
Usually, not always. Yesterday was an example of his failure.
“But you should still go and see him.” Kenya pressed on.
“I will,” he said softly. “But only when I can control myself.
He must conceal his emotions as he certainly didn’t wish to go jail. Even more importantly, he was too afraid at what the young boy would feel- he knew that Shiraishi was still too young.

“Osamu-chan, what took you so long in visiting Shiraishi? The youngest member of the tennis team immediately demanded, slipping to his normal way of addressing his elders.
“Paperwork and all that kind of stuff.” He muttered.
He was trying to make sure that he wasn’t looking at Shiraishi in case he lost control again, but this was pretty difficult, as Kintarou quickly guided him to the seat beside the bed.
“I am sorry for making you do all these extra work, Sensei.” Shiraishi began.
Watanabe quickly waved the protest away. “I should be doing them any way.”
The unusually large pile of food suddenly caught his attention and the captain of Shitenhouji immediately laughed aloud when his gaze followed that of his coach’s.
“Kin-chan insists that I eat these instead, because hospital foods are poison.” He said as he ruffled his kohai’s hair affectionately. “I think he stood outside the door and told every single person that they have to bring some sort of foods or drinks if they want to enter and visit me.”
“Hospital foods are poison.” Kintarou said firmly, before he suddenly screamed. “Was that the poisoned hand?”
“No, it was my right hand.” Watanabe had to smile as he could see that Shiraishi was trying his hardest to not laugh. “But Kin-chan, why don’t you take this cake to the kids at the room beside mine? I have something I need to discuss with sensei.”
“But…”
“Kin-chan,” Shiraishi began, raising his left hand.
This was actually the first time anyone in the school has seen Shiraishi’s left hand un-bandaged. Even though Watanabe knew that Shiraishi’s hand was obviously not poisoned, he was still clueless about the reason of the bandages.
The skin on the left hand was naturally paler due to being bandaged for so many years, but the surprising bit was the numerous long scars on his left forearm.
“I’ll go! I’ll go!” Kintarou all but ran out with the cake.
“He actually thinks that these scars are the result of my trainings.” Shiraishi explained with a slight smile, although Watanabe felt that he was a bit nervous as well.
“What were they caused by?” Watanabe asked, fighting down the urge of taking the boy’s hand into his.
“When I was in elementary school, my neighbour back then had this really scary cat.” Shiraishi began. “I was playing with sparkers when it came across my way and well…it didn’t like being burnt. Since that day I was told to bandage my left forearm until the scars all fade, or, as my mother said, people will think I am suicidal.”
A long silence elapsed, only to be interrupted by the brief of exchange of ‘How are you now?’ and ‘much better’.
“My parents rang me this morning.” Shiraishi suddenly said. “They asked me whether I want them to take me back to Osaka, although I still have to stay in the hospitals there.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That I will return with the rest of my team.” At this he suddenly laughed in a rather boyish way. “I think you might need to convince them that I really was injured in a game. They seem to have some sort of vision of me being mobbed in a deserted alleyway.”
“Shiraishi…” a long pause appeared, but Shiraishi did not try to break it this time, as he understand that his coach need this silence in order to tell him something important.
“Shiraishi, can you forgive me?” Watanabe finally said, his voice barely audible.
“Forgive you for what?”
“For failing you on both accounts.” He admitted. “I didn’t let you do what you really want- to finish the game as there was a possibility of you winning.
“I also failed in the fact that I should have made you get off court earlier- but I didn’t realise that you were injured that bad…” he had to bent his head slightly in order to hide his face with the brim of his hat, as a frown appeared on the young boy’s face.
“Sensei…it seems that I should be the one apologising, as well as thanking you.” Shiraishi answered simply. He was not smiling, but his expression was very warm.
“The doctor told me about what might happen to me if I kept on playing. If I am really lucky then I can come out of the hospital with no side effect, but it is likely that my joints would suffer some negative injuries that would be permanent. I am really grateful that you prevented this by forfeiting the game for me and sending me to the hospital.
“I admit that initially I was angry at you for not letting me continue the game, but the doctor made me realise how stupid that is. If you didn’t do anything then I would have continued pushing myself as I would not know when I should stop. So I apologise for being so ungrateful.”
“But I should have stopped you earlier.” Watanabe began.
“You didn’t know that I was really injured so you believe that you should honour my wish- I thank you for that too.”
It wasn’t just due to that…Kuranosuke, Watanabe thought to himself.
But they were words that still could not be said so he could only nod and take the cup of tea from Shiraishi, was it an offer of gratitude or pardon?
“The tea is a gift from Seigaku’s tennis team.” Shiraishi explained. “Rokkaku’s coach is in the hospital as well, so when he come over to talk to me this morning, he boiled this tea for me.
“I’m really glad to talk to him as he helped me to understand so much stuff. The thing is, Sensei,” Shiraishi began. “There were times when I was really frustrated with you for dumping almost everything onto me, but Rokkaku’s coach made me see that what you did is actually a great compliment. It means that you trust me that much.”
“Or it can simply imply that I am lazy.” Watanabe pointed out bluntly. He didn’t want an idealised image to be built up, because disillusionment was a great pain for both parties.
“But you are a good coach.” Shiraishi said with a firm shake of head at Watanabe’s words. “I now realise that you actually always help me out when I can’t do something. Most of all, what you did yesterday finally made us all know that you really do care about us- that you would do the best for all of us even if we are too idiotic to understand it.”
“Are you really acceptant about every thing then?”
“I’ve done everything I can to take my team to the nationals this year so I can accept that we lost. As for that singles one game… I now see that I did the right thing for my self and my team. I will cause them to be guilty throughout the rest of their life if I destroyed myself for their sake. They’ve all talked to me about this and it is much easier to think once you are off the field, so I am not that unhappy.”
Watanabe ended up staying until the time when all visitors had to leave, although many other people also came to see Shiraishi during this period. He didn’t really know why but he took off his hat and placed it on Shiraishi’s head, almost covering the young boy’s face, when the nurse announced that visiting time was over.
“Let this be the promise that I will come and see you tomorrow morning with gifts.” He declared out.
“And bring food for Shiraishi!” Kintarou reminded him, while both Koharu and Hitouji began to examine their coach’s infamous hat.
Watanabe was glad that Shiraishi’s face was hidden by the hat as his smile might really tempt him to do something that would either send him to jail or get fired, as well as scaring the young boy away. Although it was not as if the boy would accept him when they stop being coach and student, so right now he was merely glad to be beside Shiraishi.
Yet he still smiled slightly as he took a final look at the young boy who was surrounded by many others. No matter what happens, he was happy that he had these three years of memories.

Author’s Note: Initially they were going to play against Higa, so Shiraishi would probably be playing their captain. To be honest, I think if you have to pick some one to like from Higa then it is most likely to be the captain, or at least for me it is. At least he kind of have this sense of ‘doing it for my team’, although he is still quite evil…in the sense of his whole the end justify the means idea. But I changed my mind and decided to let them face Rikkai again, and have Shiraishi facing Kirihara. Technically, I think Shiraishi is much better then Kirihara as Fuji played against Kirihra and won, while Shiraishi beat Fuji. And I think Fuji’s initial skill is better Kirihara’s and since Shiraishi easily dominated the game…but Kirihara is the only person I can see who is not in Higa, to cause this scene. And well, is it possible for Shitenhouji to score two games? Well, I just want to put that in for my fan fiction.

To Rikkai fans who happen to read this, I’m not saying Kirihara is a complete bastard because I don’t think he is like that. I think he just goes psycho when he goes into his red eye mod. I actually believe that he is not that a bad kid. Well, I like to believe that he would actually feel bad after some time have passed. (I’m sure that the scene when he insulted Tachibana in the hospital did not happen.) Also, I actually quite like the scene when Kirihara prevented Sanada slapping Yanagi. I like to think he would actually feel guilty for what happened in this story later on, when he is no longer in his red eye mod, at any rate I am sure the others would feel quite bad about this- that their opponent might have win if it isn’t for the fact that he was deliberately injured. As well as being so injured that he literally fainted on the court.

This is one of the first times my story involves a pairing of the same sex. So please review or leave a comment!!! I mean, I have written a Sukysio Yoru and Ran one but that’s kind of different. Heck, I don’t even know how to categorise this story, cause Watanabe is twenty seven! So if you sort of enjoyed this story, or just want to be kind to me, then please tell me.