autumnleaf16

Author’s Note: Netami means jealousy (or so says the English-Japanese dictionary that I used.) by the way, for some reason this chapter didn’t get put up when I thought I did…strange.

Things changed after that day, he would sit beside her when Rin finally grew tired enough to go to sleep. The two of them would sit in silence and stare hard at the other in an attempt of working out why they were both still here.
Strangely enough, it was not an uncomfortable silence.
Nonetheless she still decided to break it, and the task proved to be easier then her anticipations. She simply began to explain what happened to her family on a certain night- why she ended up travelling with his half brother.
He remained silent throughout her story, even when she began to tremble due to some of the memories, and if it wasn’t for the fact that his eyes never once left her face, she would have thought that he fell asleep during her narration.
“That is why,” She ended bitterly, “I want to kill Naraku.”
She expected no answer from him, as up till now, all the talking in their ‘conversations’ was done by her. She began to feel a bit nervous for having revealed her past, as she was afraid of his interpretation.
Unable to continue holding his gaze, she walked to the sleeping Rin, a way for her to turn away.
“A strange tale.” His voice almost made Sango jump up in alarm as it was completely unexpected.
“It is strange that you would do so much for a brother who is so…” the word he had in mind was useless, but something made him substitute it for less harsh adjectives. She deserved his respect for being able to tell him what had happened without crying at all. “A brother who is so troublesome and reliant.”
“It is normal that I want to look after my younger brother!” she said angrily, although she was controlling herself as well, her instinct had been to scream “Don’t you dare compare us with your dysfunctional family!” at him.
“I could never do something like that for Inuyasha.”
Once again, she did not miss the sneer in his voice whenever his half brother was involved. Even though it was foolish to interfere in a pair of siblings’ fight, her curiosity still won over her common sense.
“Why?”
“I hate him.”
“I do not mean that, I want to know why you hate Inuyasha so much.”
For the first time since she met him, she saw his face briefly attacked by emotions. Of course, she would not know that she was the first person to ask him that question.
It appeared as an easy enough question, he has hated his half-brother ever since he learnt of Inuyasha’s existence…his survival. But he has to ponder about the answer, because he never really explained his reasoning to himself.
“I hate him,” as if it wasn’t bad enough that he was justifying himself to a human, he was also concerned about her reaction. “I hate Inuyasha because he caused my father to die…I lost the chance of being close to my father when I finally had it.” Her dark eyes were so warm, almost bewitching, as he found himself unable to hide the truth. “But most of all, my hatred is caused by jealousy.”
He told her what he wasn’t even willing to admit to himself.
“Why would you be jealous of him when you are the one who had the chance of knowing your father as well as being the rightful heir?”
“I am his heir, but that is all I was to my father.” He interrupted her bitterly. “Perhaps I might have been a son to my father had he not died because of Inuyasha.”
As she worked out the truth, her dark eyes began to glow with a strange light. It was not pity, as that would only disgust him, it was a sympathy that was both genuine and sincere…something he could be grateful for.
“You were born for the sake of being born.” She realized, her hand automatically stretched out to comfort him.
He did not accept her hand by holding it, but nor did he shove it away. Instead, he simply let it rest over his hand. He even began to describe his childhood for her.
While his parents were never unkind, they could not be called loving either. Their marriage had been for the simple purpose of producing a strong heir, and that certainly affected in the way they taught their only child. Under their teaching he was denied of possessing their love, causing him to be almost obsessed by his own strength- that was the only thing he was certain of.
Luckily, his parents realized their mistakes before he decide to reject all forms of love, they tried to make amend, but his father’s death made it all too late. He chooses to deny love because he saw it as weakness.
Although his eyes ended up rather distant, he did not turn his gaze away from her at all- it almost seemed as if he was reminding her that he was still talking to her.

Rin went to sleep early that night, and the mischievous grin on her face went unnoticed by both adults, who were sitting outside the cave’s entrance. Sango was in the elaborate kimono again, while Sesshomaru had put his pelt on his lap, finding himself unable to resume wearing it just yet.
“You are strong,” he said, preventing her from speaking first. “Unusually strong for a human woman. What is it that causes you to kill your self when you already survived so much hardship?”
It was difficult for her to answer this question, although she had been preparing for it. She no longer loved Miroku, but it was still not easy to tell another about the dreams she once wove for her future.
Would he think of her as pathetic? Even if he might, she did not really care. She wanted him to know about her, because she would not have him accept her as something other then who she really was. Surely what happened to her was an indication that love related to weakness, but she was not afraid to tell him about Miroku’s betrayal, because she felt that he would not be harsh to her.
His eyes darkened, while his lips curled into a sneer when she reached the act of betrayal. As he spoke, his voice was accompanied by great anger.
But they were not directed to her.
“He is a fool.”
Perhaps he feared that he had revealed too much, as he left her without any further words. He would not be beside her any longer due to the strange effect she had on him.
She made him felt like a normal man, that was a sign of weakness, and he was also letting emotions taking control of his senses. When she told him about what the Monk did to her, he was angry that someone would dare to hurt her like that. He was also jealous that the monk had all her affections, she trusted him more then any others…
She loved him.
“I am jealous because of a human woman,” he admitted. “I have become foolish because she has become special.”
He didn’t want her to leave him although he knew that she would do so one day. Her presence made him strangely content for some reason, and he was beginning to look forward to the end of each day, because he would spend the nights with her.
No one has ever affected him in such an impossible fashion before, he could probably work out the answer, but he refused to.
Humans were still weak and pathetic, especially his half brother’s companions and the human woman who caused his father to die, because she was too useless to do anything herself.
Only Sango was different, because only she was special.
But what was he to her?

Author’s Note: this chapter have been rather difficult to write, and I am quite nervous about what everyone thinks. The story is developing really slow because I want to make sure that the two of them are still in character. I found it really hard to explain Sesshomaru’s actions and can only hope that what I did is alright. I always thought that his mother died and then his father took up with a human woman, so oldest case in the world: there’s jealousy. Or I thought that his mother really loved him and was very bitter at his father’ s betrayal. But then his mother actually come out, and she is really…amazing? As there is no hint of her being the cast off woman as well, so I think that his parents marriage/relationship was purely political, or it ended before his father met Inuyasha’s mother. So I had tried to explain why he would still hate Inuyasha given that his parent’s relationship was political, and his mother doesn’t actually really care. (he is such a hard character to write).