I am thinking…does this count as daily life since it only happens once a year? I mean, you only have a birthday once a year. I have decided to try and see if I can spend about 30 minutes on my blog everyday as I do have stuff that I want to do and all that. But first of all…
Satsuki-sis is now seventeen!!! Having reached this age on a Saturday. (I don’t think it matters if I say this cause I think this information is on her profile anyway. The nice thing is that she invited me to her party, and though I am really glad that I went, it did make me rather reflective at one stage. It really made me think.
Well…first of all I seem to be much older then her friends, although they are all…people who seem you can easily get along with, which is really nice. They are really friendly and open. But they are all in high school (I believe) and this is really weird, but I feel…not grown up but rather different. This is really hard to describe but I feel that preparing to study for the studying for you future (ie. preparing to entering university) is better then doing the actual study for your future (ie. In university.) Perhaps it is just me but I feel that you still have a chance to dream in the first stage (in high school) where as that in university, you really are living with the idea that this is it, as soon as this end I will be in the world of reality. I guess I feel that in high school, you still live in a world of great idealism, but in university it is only semi-idealism, and a lot of realism. Another comparison: in high school you are examining all these path, and deciding which one you want to take, where as in university you are on that path, and it is very difficult to step back. So I guess I am a bit envious of those who are still at that stage- a world which I can not go back to. Do I want to? In a way I think I do. But maybe later on I’ll look at university in the same way.
Then…we actually went bowling…a game that I associated with too many negative feelings that made me not go to bowling at all. Seriously…it didn’t matter who ask me, my answer usually was: “No, sorry, I don’t like it, I don’t want to go.” To tell the truth…had I know it before hand I am not that sure whether I would have still go to Satsuki-sis’ party. What happened for me is that I have nothing but bad memories associated with all my memories of going bowling. Something always happened…mostly it is the sense of exclusion. The first time I went with two friends, and they were like best best best friend at that stage, so while they were cheering each other I was just the one who happened to be there, so even though I was with them, it didn’t seem that I was playing with them, it was almost as if I just somehow came and played with their lane. Then the next time…went with a large group who I don’t really know (I actually don’t know why I went) and it was miserable, even worse they were those top dogs of the school. Then a third incident happened and after that…I began to be paranoid of bowling.
But surprisingly enough it was actually quite fun on Satsuki-sis’ birthday, I think it is because I felt that we were actually a whole group, although we had two different lanes. I mean, I still don’t like it that much as I still rather do something else with that time, but I might not avoid all bowling permanently, as I had.
Lastly, before I left Satsuki-sis’ house her mum actually thanked me for helping Satsuki-sis. (to Satsuki-sis: yeah, that was what your mum was saying to me before I left. This really made me touched, the fact that I seemed to have helped someone. I truly hope that I have managed to help Satsuki-sis sometimes (I cannot help anyone all the time because I have a lot of problems myself too). I mean, I am not a very useful person, and I am not a nice person either, but if I can help someone in anyway, then it means that I am of some use, I do have some use in this world- that I am not completely useless. I know that we help people because we truly care for them, but I do think it is also true that it is also to help our self, to make us feel that we can actually help others- that we are not useless. Well…my views anyway.
Strange as this is, it made me think of Ouran High School Host Club, which I read sometimes ago, and as always I can come up with fan fiction ideas, although it will probably always stay in my head. But I think the reason that Mori (Morinozuka Takashi) helps Hunny, is due to a similar logic. I think he feels obliged to serve Hunny so devotedly because that is something he can do. I feel that he will feel…perhaps a bit guilty at how privileged he is, so at the least, he must do this one thing of serving Hunny.
Does that make sense? No? Oh well…my thoughts are pretty jumbled up lately I guess.
Satsuki-sis is now seventeen!!! Having reached this age on a Saturday. (I don’t think it matters if I say this cause I think this information is on her profile anyway. The nice thing is that she invited me to her party, and though I am really glad that I went, it did make me rather reflective at one stage. It really made me think.
Well…first of all I seem to be much older then her friends, although they are all…people who seem you can easily get along with, which is really nice. They are really friendly and open. But they are all in high school (I believe) and this is really weird, but I feel…not grown up but rather different. This is really hard to describe but I feel that preparing to study for the studying for you future (ie. preparing to entering university) is better then doing the actual study for your future (ie. In university.) Perhaps it is just me but I feel that you still have a chance to dream in the first stage (in high school) where as that in university, you really are living with the idea that this is it, as soon as this end I will be in the world of reality. I guess I feel that in high school, you still live in a world of great idealism, but in university it is only semi-idealism, and a lot of realism. Another comparison: in high school you are examining all these path, and deciding which one you want to take, where as in university you are on that path, and it is very difficult to step back. So I guess I am a bit envious of those who are still at that stage- a world which I can not go back to. Do I want to? In a way I think I do. But maybe later on I’ll look at university in the same way.
Then…we actually went bowling…a game that I associated with too many negative feelings that made me not go to bowling at all. Seriously…it didn’t matter who ask me, my answer usually was: “No, sorry, I don’t like it, I don’t want to go.” To tell the truth…had I know it before hand I am not that sure whether I would have still go to Satsuki-sis’ party. What happened for me is that I have nothing but bad memories associated with all my memories of going bowling. Something always happened…mostly it is the sense of exclusion. The first time I went with two friends, and they were like best best best friend at that stage, so while they were cheering each other I was just the one who happened to be there, so even though I was with them, it didn’t seem that I was playing with them, it was almost as if I just somehow came and played with their lane. Then the next time…went with a large group who I don’t really know (I actually don’t know why I went) and it was miserable, even worse they were those top dogs of the school. Then a third incident happened and after that…I began to be paranoid of bowling.
But surprisingly enough it was actually quite fun on Satsuki-sis’ birthday, I think it is because I felt that we were actually a whole group, although we had two different lanes. I mean, I still don’t like it that much as I still rather do something else with that time, but I might not avoid all bowling permanently, as I had.
Lastly, before I left Satsuki-sis’ house her mum actually thanked me for helping Satsuki-sis. (to Satsuki-sis: yeah, that was what your mum was saying to me before I left. This really made me touched, the fact that I seemed to have helped someone. I truly hope that I have managed to help Satsuki-sis sometimes (I cannot help anyone all the time because I have a lot of problems myself too). I mean, I am not a very useful person, and I am not a nice person either, but if I can help someone in anyway, then it means that I am of some use, I do have some use in this world- that I am not completely useless. I know that we help people because we truly care for them, but I do think it is also true that it is also to help our self, to make us feel that we can actually help others- that we are not useless. Well…my views anyway.
Strange as this is, it made me think of Ouran High School Host Club, which I read sometimes ago, and as always I can come up with fan fiction ideas, although it will probably always stay in my head. But I think the reason that Mori (Morinozuka Takashi) helps Hunny, is due to a similar logic. I think he feels obliged to serve Hunny so devotedly because that is something he can do. I feel that he will feel…perhaps a bit guilty at how privileged he is, so at the least, he must do this one thing of serving Hunny.
Does that make sense? No? Oh well…my thoughts are pretty jumbled up lately I guess.
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