I feel that my blog has been getting quite empty…so I decided to resume what I use to do- posting fan fictions at the weekend, so hopefully I can continue doing this…

I actually wrote this fan fiction sometime ago, really some time ago, when I was in my first year at university, so about one and half a year from now I believe. By the way, for those who are curious about Sukisyo please click the tag ‘anime/manga’ and keep on pressing previous 20 until you see the bit that says Sukisyo review.

This story is the first BL story that I have written although I always consider Yoru/Ran as being just Yoru and Ran. By the way, the rest of the story and my notes at the end presumes that you know the story so I won’t be doing any explanation in regard to the plot of Sukisyo.


Guilt

Ran, the night weeps for the crime committed by the day, because he lacks the power to stop these actions. Though his hand is not the one that struck, he feels as guilty as the day, as they are the same being.
I, who am called night, am just like the night that cries for the day.
You do not understand my words at all. I wonder whether you even want to understand. My presence seems to be able to drive away all your other worries.
I am glad, as that is what I vowed to do, ever since I first saw you. You were crying…crying because of the pain Sunao inflicted on you.
I know it is unfair, after all, was I not created for the same reason as you were? But not only do I endure Sora’s pain, I also feel yours as well. That is why my body would always shake even as I tried to sooth you.
Of course I know that you were not blaming me for that. No, I am not angry at all. How can I ever be? I love you so much.
But you would be right if you hate me for abandoning you.
Once again your hand closes over my right wrist, where the bandages sever our skins from being moulded together. Perhaps you are starting to work out the answer to that question you ask me so many times.
I should really withdraw my right hand from you, or at the very least stop you from unwinding the bandages. I am not. It would be a lie to say that I don’t care about that scar anymore when I still cover it. But I think you should know…
Oh, there is no need to cry at all! It did not hurt much, and it does not hurt anymore. It is a loathsome sight, I admit, but such is the nature of any scar.
Why was I going to leave you? Because I already left you.
I abandoned you.
Sora was the one who released Sunao’s hand, you protests, I would have held on. Yes…I think I would have managed. But Sora’s hand is my hand, and so it is this same hand that pushed your hand away, abandoning you in that hell!
I cannot forgive myself for what I did. I said that I am like the night that weeps because of the day. I cry for what Sora did, because in a way, it is what I did.
For a whole year I would be haunted with my last sight of you every single moment, and unlike Sora, my memories could not be sealed. I would see you…the petite little boy kneeing on the ground with his hand stretched out vainly, his face streaked by the tears that he was unaware of.
I could stand my guilt no more, so I took a knife and…
But I must speak about it, while you must listen, if you want me to stop hiding this from you. I must come to terms with my actions that caused this scar.
Yes, it did hurt slightly, but not as much as you believe. Here, let me guide your fingers. Don’t be frightened of touching this scar, it will not reopen my wound. You don’t need to fear about me being in pain again.
Even if I do bleed, it will not be painful this time, because you will comfort me. I know that you will stop any bleeding with your kiss, and massage any new scars with these pretty fingers.
This is how I cut myself, and this, is how I should have slit my wrist…
Why do you suddenly cling onto me? Do you really think that I would try to kill myself again when you are finally right next to me?
But you still don’t understand why I cover up my scar? Why Sora should not be tormented as I am when you say that the fault is his, and if anyone deserves to have my guilt, it should be him.
Oh, this concealment of guilt is not for Sora at all.
No, it is not for Shinichiro or Nanami, why would you even think of that?
Yes, I bandaged my hand when I knew that you will be here. Why? You ask me once more. Is the answer not obvious?
I do not want you to suffer anymore because of me. And I am not wrong, aren’t you still crying now because of this?
How do I become free from this guilt that you call non-existent? I do not know yet, despite your continuous assurance.
Perhaps only when a second chance come, when I can redeem myself by grabbing onto your hand forever, Ran.

Notes: Yoru literally mean the word night. I had this idea for sometimes but I didn’t write it until I learnt that my theory was correct! I thought that Yoru’s bandages was meant to cover up his hand as he tried to kill himself, or just wound himself as he felt guilty for leaving Ran behind, because what Sora did, is what he did in way. And the funny thing is I discovered from the drama cd, that this is what sort of happened. Yoru did try to kill himself for something that Sora did, but obviously he didn’t succeed, and the bandages serve to cover his hand up.

Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me.
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autumnleaf16

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